Alan Ivester Spach

Nuff said.

We got new Red Rocket Studios Advertising Shirts, printed up at work. It has my retro version of our company logo that I created after playing too much team fortress. I’m really happy how they turned out, I’ve never sent Bitmapped tifs to a printer before so I was curious how they would come out. I used the Bitmapped tifs to create the distressed look on multiple layers of ink. Take a Looksee!

1. Music is very important. Washing and waxing a car can be tedious work and it’s very important that you select the correct music to wash ones car by. After washing my car for many years I have discovered on certain kinds of music will keep a man motivated. Once unmotivated you could find you self spraying the hose through open windows around you. This simply won’t do.

The following music is acceptable for men;
• Power Metal (anything with dragons, fire or ice will be great)
• Led Zepplin
• or in a pinch Any Rush song will do.

The following music is acceptable for the ladies, i guess
• Peaches
• 2 Live Crew
• or the Wonder Years theme song

Cat Stevens is NOT acceptable by any means.

2. If you are in a relationship, wash your ladies car too. Any man worth his weight will wash both cars. It’s what a man does. Any man who doesn’t is at risk of being found out. Clint Eastwood will be notified and he’ll drop by to collect your testicles.

3. Accessories should be kept at a minimum. This is no time to look cool. Leave watches, sunglasses and oxygen tanks inside. I have compiled a list of acceptable accessories.

•Boom box or mp3 player
•Cooler of beer
•Cartons of cigerettes
•Viking helmet and Thor’s hammer, Mjǫllnir

4. Unfortunately this work puts you outside where the stupid people are so it’s important to handle social interactions correctly.

Example situation 1: All your neighbors are hilarious and will walk by making the comment “Will your wash my car next Har har!” One must act quickly in this situation. Run to the neighbors car throwing Mjǫllnir through the windshield. Then take your hose and fill their car with water. Upon completion violently collect 20-50 dollars from the neighbor. If this is not done immediately, the neighbor will only continue this hilarious comment for years to come.

example situation 2: Several girls come by selling christmas trees for their high school track team. This one is easy, tell them is its the middle of October and that selling a christmas tree right now is dumb. Then throw Mjǫllnir through your neighbor windshield.

4. Finally my last piece of advise is don’t be shy with the wax. You should be using the Turtle Wax that comes in the tub. Any spray-on wax is for Communists and Nancy Grace. Apply wax to all avialble surfaces. Hood, doors windows, lights, tires, air filter, battery, fan belts and any cds you have in your car. Everything should be covered in a protective layer of wax to protect it for rain, snow, bugs or Loki.

Following these rules will insure a pleasurable and rewarding experience washing ones car.

Since it’s Halloween, Its time for me to catch up with my favorite horror movies from when I was a kid. Phantasm is the perfect mix or weird and scary. They almost explain nothing at all in these movies. Granted i’ve only seen Phantasm 1 and 2. I’ve recently discovered through Netflix that there’s a phantasm 3 and 4 and i’ll be watching these in any hopes that they’ll tell you whats going on.

All the first 2 movies they tell you is there is a Mortician they call “The Tall Man” and when he appears in a town, the town slowly dies off and becomes a ghost town. In the 2nd movie you discover that he steals corpes and turns them into these little dwarf zombi things that wear robes. He also has these really awesome orbs that fly around and have sharp bits in them like drills and knifes. At one point The Tall Man opens a silver orb and theirs a brain there. oh and the main character when investigating the mortiary finds a gateway to another dimension where all this crazy crap is from. Anyway its totally badass and in the next week I’ll be watching 3 and 4 which were almost made a decade later than the first two.

Cross your fingers, I really hope they don’t suck.

Ever since Arbys invented “The Big Montana” our cows have never been safe from alien abductors. Check out this amazing Cow Abduction Lamp, it’s apparently so amazing the website blew up. But it should be up as soon as the men in black stop spamming the servers.

In a further bid to alienate myself from the world, my brain can’t stop replaying the song “Word Up!” by Cameo in all situations. My brian is become pickled in the this audio cocaine. I love the way the singers voice song like he’s singing into a tennis ball can. Usually when I get one of these audio gems stuck in my head they work them selves out pretty quick but it been almost a week now.

I suppose it could be worse, its much more tolerable than when “MMM-Bop” was stuck in there

Here check out the video for Word up and wonder why that guy is wearing a cod piece.

For the last 2 days I’ve gotten over 20 calls from someone with either a blocked or unknown number. The number doesn’t even show on the screen. The 2 times I’ve answered, no one is there. It seems to happen on an hourly basis.

I called AT&T and they said if the number is blocked they can’t even see it. Which has to be some legal bull because they are the phone company how can they not see who it is. They said i’d have to get a police report to find out who is calling me. Which seems absolutely crazy to me. Now, I have to bother the police tomorrow like crazy person and report being harassed by no one, just so the phone company can reveal who’s calling me and can’t get sued.

There is also no Iphone app that will stop an unknown caller either. But if one is ever invented let me know.

I’m annoyed at my lack of options and find it stupid that people can block their phone number. Unless its the CIA, FBI, or police I can see not good coming from such nonsense.